i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
