I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
