It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
