final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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