so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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