I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
