I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
