I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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