Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
