Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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