we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
