Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
