Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
