Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
