So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
