I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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