I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Your penis caused this!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
