your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
