Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Girls should come with a carfax report
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
