I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
