NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.