my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level