how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So. Much. Porn.
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