He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together