i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This is the high leading the old right now
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
