Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Also, beer. Big fan.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.