I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
