i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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