I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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