just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
