You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
