How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
