Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
