I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
