we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
