i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
