I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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