I will die if light touches me.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize