i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
