so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
