I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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