I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
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