I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
