I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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