On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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