I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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