I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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