garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
