I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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