So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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