My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
