not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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