if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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