i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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