The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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