Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
