i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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