I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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