It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
As shirtless as possible
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
