Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
