Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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