So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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