Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
