He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
