where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
