thus making me awesome and them whores
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you win again, gameday.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
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We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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