u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
