I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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