I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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