another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
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