are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
