i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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