So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
