It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
