Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
