Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This is my gift to your gina
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize