I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
