It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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