Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
