I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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