Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
